Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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