so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
