Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
