i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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