all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
