Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
