I seem to have left my pride at pride
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
