That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
