Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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