I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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