try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
