she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
