Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
