I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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