tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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