Kiss
Puke
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
