remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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