She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
