i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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