So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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