The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
