i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
whose parrot is this?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
