I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin