did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.