Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...