Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.