4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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