so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
