I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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