Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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