Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
