if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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