I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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