1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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