Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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