Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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