BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm at about main and main street
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
