Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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