I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
