oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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