I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
