She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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