I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
