I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
