im about as happy as oj after his trial
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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