Got a toothbrush?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
