with your own penis?
Can Purell be used as lube?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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