Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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