Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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