i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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