Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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