I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
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ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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