Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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