I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
