we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How naked do you want me to be?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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