best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am naked and annoyed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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