and i looked up. we had an audience...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
