I intend to get homeless drunk
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
