I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
