no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
