That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
