We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
