Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
