they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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