I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
