If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
