You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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