I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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