Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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