chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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