My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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