Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
