Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she told me i tasted like america
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
