And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
