So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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