Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
