420 ftw
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
